Today, I ran into the presumed superhero, my alter ego, Superbob. He was moaning and groaning about spending an hour at the dentist's office getting x-rays, an ouchy cleaning, and notice that a return visit (at least one) will be required for further work.
"Even if Carrie Underwood were my hygienist, I would find nothing sexy about a visit to the dentist," SuperBob whined.
DawgWalker: "That's baloney, SB! Suppose Carrie was not only extracting the plaque from your gnarly teeth and gums, but singing some of her greatest songs to you at the same time? Or imagine she was the dental assistant holding your hand and softly crooning her best tunes to just you while the dentist did his nasty work?"
SuperBob: "Oh sure, 'Jesus Take the Wheel,' 'Before He Cheats," 'Blown Away'? -- all good songs, but I don't think so, DW."
DW: You think too narrowly, SB. How about some of her less-celebrated but more soothing, upbeat hits, like "All-American Girl," or "I Will See You Again"?
SB: See me again in a dentist's chair? No way!
DW: Bah, I bet you would melt if Carrie were singing any song in your ear, and you would hardly even need any novacaine. Think outside the box. Suppose Carrie Underwood was singing lullabies to you to ease your pain, just as a mama does when her baby is restless or has a tummy ache.
SB: Sounds goofy. Such as?
DW: Carrie is softly singing "Hush Little Baby" in your ear while the dentist is revving up his drilling tools. Maybe you're in a rocking chair instead of a conventional dental chair. Seems appropriate to me. You are a big baby, after all, despite that big "S" on your chest. How about "Rock a Bye Baby"? You'd be fast asleep with your mouth propped wide open. They could crown every tooth and you'd still be in la-la land.
SB: Hmmm. Baby talk, huh?
DW: Think Carrie Underwood singing "Lullaby and Good Night" just to you. Beginning to get the picture? Or since you are a big fat baby in the dentist's office, envision her just-for-you rendition of "Baby Mine," with lyrics like these:
"Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine."
SB: Okay, now I AM beginning to get the drift. You know, when I was recovering from my heart surgery back in '05, Carrie the Oklahoma farm girl became my special angel as I watched her excel and grow week to week in the Idol competition. Watched her master multiple musical genres from rock to gospel since then. But lullabies are a fresh and intriguing possibility. How about "Go to Sleep My Little Boy"?
DW: Bet you wouldn't even think of some classics that sometimes fall in the lullaby class, such as "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" and "Mama's lil' Baby Loves Short'nin' Bread."
SB: I loved Katherine McPhee's renditions of "Rainbow" on Idol. See, I have love for brunettes, too. Betcha Carrie's blonde version would be great, too.
SB: Bingo! I go waaaay back with that one, to the days when a gal named Sunshine Sue sang that on Saturday nights at Richmond's version of the Grand ol' Opry. We're talking the fabulous Fifties.
"You are my sunshine
my only sunshine
You make me happy
when skies are grey…."
DW: Glad you've caught your groove, Man of Steel.
SB: Absolutely. These songs as sung by Miss Carrie will be in my consciousness as I close my eyes upon my return to the dentist as I suppose is inevitable. And if by the miracle of the Internet, this conversation should make it back to Carrie or her agents, how wonderful might an album of lullabies for adults be? Balm for troubled minds in turbulent times….
© Robert G. Holland 2014